The Firsts....

Here are a few pictures of Cristian...some recent 'firsts'...

First time in his walker...

First time at a baseball game...

First time holding his bottle on his own...

First time in his Baptism outfit...

First time posing as a hip hop dancer for one of Snoop's videos...

First time eating solids (pear)!

Chapter 2006

So much has already happened this year;
it’s hard to remember it all.
My baby celebrated his first New Year’s party.
My baby was baptized.
A new beginning will bring new offsprings.
Friendships continue to grow.
Travel continues to be harder.
Saying good-bye gets sadder.
Weddings are eagerly being planned.
And so on…

Oh…..and I turned 30 last month.

I guess that’s the part I forgot.
Or maybe, my subconscious mind has found a convenient way to block that part of my life. Turning 30 – before it actually happened – meant just another year. I wasn’t the least bit concerned about my reaction to this dreaded milestone. So then why the morning of my birthday did I wake up crying? Hmmm…not sure I can explain it. I wiped my tears and made my way to the kitchen where my over joyous parents were eagerly waiting to give me a ‘Happy 30th Birthday' kiss. That moment quickly went downhill when my dad so proudly hugged me and said “Happy Birthday. You are now 1/3 into your life!” I looked at him with dismay, couldn’t believe what he was saying. To which he responded… “What, be happy, most people would say your life is halfway over!” WHAT??? What is this man saying??? Does he want me to hang myself???

My day continued on the same course of despair. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. I felt old and getting older by the second. All I kept thinking was being thirty only means life has no more room for errors. At least in my twenties, mistakes were accepted as part of a learning process. Now, all my decisions have to be made wisely– as an adult, in her 30’s.

So, as I drove around Scarborough in my dad’s van, listening to 103.5, I couldn’t help but feel the need to change the radio station. Maybe 30 means no longer listening to mainstream pop music, maybe I now have to succumb to a slower paced ‘older person’ radio station? Is there such a thing? Maybe it’s time to cut my hair short?

“SNAP OUT OF IT MARYANN..IT’S NOT THAT BAD!”
Here are a few positive things to think about:
1. People tend to achieve the most in their thirties - think about Henry Ford. His best stuff was done in his thirties. (I can't think of anyone else, but I'm sure there is - there has to be!)
2. If you don’t have children, you aren’t considered a ‘grown up’ until you are thirty six. That’s six more years of mayhem!
3. Women are in their physical prime in their early thirties – in spite of what you might be told. This is that oh-so magical combination of strength, endurance, and courage.

I know who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know who I am. I know how to get there! I know how to care for another being. I know how to live on my own. I know how to deal with pain. I know how to deal with joy. I have a better idea of who I am than I did in my twenties. I'm not so hung up on trying to get everyone to like me and I no longer believe I have to be the thinnest (just had a baby), most popular (don’t know too many people in this city), smartest person in the world in order to be happy. I have learned to appreciate the small things in life and not get so upset about the big things. I've loved and lost and therefore I appreciate love even more now. I've made new friends and said good-bye to old ones and appreciate them both. I'm smarter than ten years ago, in some ways, but I know knowledge is not always a forward progression – I learned a lot in Kindergarten.

So my day continued to improve. As I drove around in my dad’s van, listening to Madonna’s latest tunes, I began to realize I wouldn’t change or exchange anything in my life. I was happy…overjoyed at my new found appreciation for turning 30.

I AM HAPPY TO BE AGING!

If this keeps up, forty will be even more awesome. And if anyone dares to call me ‘old’ again, I’ll show them...better yet, I’ll run over them with my dad’s van…after all, I have better insurance now!

Who's Forgetful?

Last night was chaos.

Packing all the babies belongings for his weekend stay at uncie Kris's condo with his auntie Anita and his forgetful mom was very tricky. I never realized there was so much involved in taking a baby for a three night sleep over somewhere. Diapers...bottles....formula....toys...bathtub...etc.... I was going nuts packing for the little guy.

We went to church first for an evening mass where Cristian behaved so well I was absolutely impressed. He was mesmerized by the singing and the tons of people that filled the pews made it all the more interesting. As the incense made my little guy cough, I couldn’t help but smell the fishy odor that was so strongly oozing from his Gap shirt and Gymboree pants from the Xmas dinner my mom cooked up. After we left church, we made our way to Etobicoke. Once we got to the condo, I rushed in with great relief to change his clothes and get him into something downy fresh. That's when I noticed his bag full of pj’s and outfits was missing. Where could it be? It was left behind at my parent’s house. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER AM I?? So....I panicked...as baby cried. Not sure it they were tears of hunger, exhaustion or simply cause he knew he was stuck in his foul smelling fashionable outfit for longer than we thought.

My sister quickly left in hopes of finding some pajamas at Dominion or Shopper’s Drug mart since everything by that time had closed. After numerous attempts, she was lucky enough to find some stuff at a local Hasty Market. The Indian man who owned the store even gave her a good deal. I guess baby pajamas aren’t a best seller at his convenient store - who knows how long they’d been sitting there for. While I fed my smelly man, we washed the pj’s and dried them quickly. Shortly after, he was nice and snuggly in his Hasty brand PINK pajamas tucked warmly into his bed. Oh what a night. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it today!

My First Christmas

Look at me...Look at me...

HO...HO...HO!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!
WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!

One Man...and a Baby!

I think I have separation anxiety.

Is that possible?






My earliest experience was a couple of weeks ago when I went to Bren’s sister’s bridal shower. This was my first official night out since giving birth. I got all dressed up... even took a shower (something I took for granted pre-baby) and gave V special tips for what was meant to be a relaxing evening for both of us. That ‘relaxing’ evening swiftly came to a halt when I phoned home from the restaurant to check in on my boys…..

V sounded strained as the little guy shrieked in the background.
“He’s been crying..actually…SCREAMING since you left...but that’s ok, don’t worry about coming home, and enjoy your evening.”

RIGHT – AS IF THAT’S POSSIBLE!

I quickly got up, excused myself and drove home as fast as I possibly could! While all along thinking “Oh my boo, he’s crying, he’s sad his mommy left...how could I have done this to him?”
When I got home, it was a sight to remember. A variety of bottles were tossed around the coffee table - some with milk, some with water and others just empty. V was sitting on the couch… holding the baby’s soother plugged into his wee mouth…as I walked down the stairs….the little guy looked up at me mercifully with his big eyes as if to say “Mommy…help, daddy has the soother so far down my throat It’s touching my tonsils!”
I quickly took him in my arms and within minutes he was fast asleep.

The interrogation began…

Question:
“Did you take him around the ‘stations’ I have set up in our living room? (Vibrating chair, swing, play pen?)”

Answer:
“YES. I went into EVERY station ten times…I even made up my own stations.”

Question:
“Did you juggle the squeaky balls and sing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer all at the same time?” (He LOVES that!)

Answer:
“I juggled, danced, sang Rudolph AND Frosty the Snowman as loud as I could.”
(Can anyone picture V doing that??)

Question:
“Did you walk around the house with baby in arms while listening to Green Day, Cold Play or Salsa & Meringue?”

Answer:
“I walked around the house…around the backyard… upstairs…. downstairs… NOTHING WORKED!”

I wish I had a hidden camera.

After my question/answer period ended it was time to deliberate.

I felt guilty as ever for going out. Is this normal? I mean, the second I came home…baby was calm…baby was content…baby fell asleep. Did he miss me as much as I did him? Or was he just having a bad night? Why do I feel THIS attached? Is it because I am home alone with him all the time? I am already dreading the thought of passing baby around when we come for our visit to Toronto. Everyone is excited for his arrival and I know everyone is going to take him from me…hold him…caress him…and love him. All of this is great…….but the question is…am I going to be ok with that?

What is wrong with me? Is this called ‘separation anxiety’ or am I a pathetic mom who is unwilling to share her precious offspring with others?

Anyone know of a good therapist?

Six Weeks Already!

I am in a total darkness, but the warm water surrounding me soothes me. Gently, the rhythmic movement rocks me back and forth. Sometimes, I let her know I’m here, then she gently rubs her stomach, delighted that I am alive and well. I am alive in you and I am happy.

Suddenly, the calm is broken. I feel like I am being shoved about…it’s not as peaceful as it was before. It looks like I may have to leave this place….

All is well again. I feel a breath on my cheek. Tender words are being murmured into my ear and the warmth of her body makes me feel well again.

I feel so good, snuggled up next to her. She is stroking me and covering me with kisses. She puts me to her breast, we love each other.

Little by little, I can make out this face and its smile comforts me. I give it a name, I call it Mother.

Oh endless source of love and comfort today let me tell you that I love you.

Francine Boisvert, January 1992

He will be six weeks on Wednesday!
Cristian Gianni Perri Degirmencioglu (yes, we changed his name around a bit) has been a true blessing and a great little addition to our family. Last week, he became an official Mexican citizen. We went to register him at the government office and were told all 'Mexicans' require to carry both their father's AND mother's last names. So, that being said my little guy had the privilege to add my fourteen letter maiden name to his birth certificate. As funny as that sounds, I have to say a part of me is happy about his extended name!

Life has definitely been very different since our bundle made his way into this world. For starters, I am yet to sleep more than four hours straight. I feel like a walking zombie and haven’t been able to differentiate my days from one another. Mondays feel like Fridays… and Sundays feel like Wednesdays.

I have heard many times over the first three months are the hardest. I guess I can see why. The little guy eats, sleeps, has his diaper changed frequently and cries. All seem pretty simple right? Well, it’s not. The most frustrating part of all has been trying to determine the reason for his tears. Is he hungry? Dirty? Hot? Cold? Bored? Feeding time has also been interesting. Cristian loves his milk - formula from the bottle and milk from his mom. My breasts have never been exposed to the public as much as they have been the past six weeks. My new name ought to be Mildred and a bell should be hung around my neck. Get the picture?

His one month pediatrician appointment was two weeks ago, at which time we learned he weighs 9.9lbs. The doctor laughed and couldn’t resist but point out his ‘cachetes’ (cheeks) as we stood by his side wondering if we are overfeeding our little cub. Could we be? Should we put him on a diet? When we asked the doctor, he laughed and gave us a reassuring reply… “Babies eat…babies grow. He’s doing well and his weight is within the norm.” Whew, I thought!

It’s been great. My little man has brought such joy to our lives words can’t even describe. I feel truly blessed. My favorite part has been when he falls asleep on my chest and makes little sighing noises to reassure me he is content. I put on music and dance with him in my arms...I just melt….it’s definitely worth the sleepless nights…

Such a BIG Miracle in Such a SMALL Boy!

My name is Cristian Gianni Perri (pronounced Johnny). My second name is after my dad’s dad….whom I will meet in just a few weeks time. So far, I have been on my best behavior (I want to make a good impression). I made my way to my new family on Wednesday September 28th at 8:08pm at a hospital here in Hermosillo, Mexico called CIMA. My mom was in labor ALL DAY with strong contractions, but no pain. I made sure to go easy on her, didn’t want her to be upset at me before we even met. The doctors were surprised when they saw her charts, and how the contractions were OFF THE RECORD…without any suffering. After 13 long hours, she was told they had to take her in to have a c-section. Thank goodness, because my head was starting to hurt! I couldn’t get past her pelvic area - she is just too damn small! All I kept thinking was “Great, our first introduction will be a bit awkward, I am going to look like a melonhead”. And sure enough, I did!

At 8:08pm, there I was, wailing away at the top of my lungs. My mom couldn’t stop crying (could it have been my melonhead or because she was so happy to finally meet me?) The doctor quickly wrapped me up and took me outside to meet my dad for the first time. He looked proud and I think he even has a few of my handsome features!
I weighed in at 6.7lbs and everything looked pretty good. Soon after, I was wheeled in to hang out with my mom again!

The next day was quite hectic. I met a ton of people. My mom’s friends from school, some of the kids she taught and their parents, my dad’s co-workers and a whole bunch of other people came to see me. They kept oohing and aawing each time! My grandma is also here, helping out. It’s nice to have her around; I guess it was worth waiting for her to get here on time! And, to make it special for my other grandma (since she couldn’t be here) I decided to be born on her birthday!
So now she has me to share it with – what more can any grandma ask for!

We also got tons of flowers delivered. My mom kept saying the room looked like a jungle – whatever that is!?

Today is day seven and life has been fun. I eat, sleep and have my diaper changed frequently. I had my first bath on Sunday – it was SO NOT fun. I made sure to let my parents have it…swinging my arms and legs until they bundled me up and made me warm again.

My mom has been crying a lot and keeps saying how I have changed her whole world and that she couldn’t be happier. I even surprised her the other day and showed her how high I can pee…while she was changing my diaper! Gave her a good laugh. My dad has been awesome too! He has been holding me and changing me constantly. They have been pretty cool parents so far.

Before I end this, I want to send a special thank you to all of you for supporting my mom and dad through these past several months…even though she is far away from home; I know she appreciates all the emails, phone calls and flowers you sent.

Can’t wait to meet you all!!

Cristian Gianni Perri

September 28, 2005

Today might be my birthday. My mom has gone into labor and is 5cm dilated. No pain so far, so I'll try and make it easy for her. We'll see how it goes, thanks to all for sending us your 'good vibes'...we'll keep you posted!

Finding My Cloud Nine!

Try to sit really still in a comfy chair and think of all your muscles relaxing and becoming warm and loose. Really visualize yourself in the most serene place you could imagine - floating on a cloud. Stay in that state as long as you can, the cervix will open slowly and every time you have a tinge of discomfort, think this is a cue to further relax.

People can have dental surgery with no needles if they practice imagining themselves in a very serene location.

These words are from someone who has experienced it all first-hand, without the use of drugs. I was having a discussion with my aunt J this morning; she was asking me how I was feeling. Initially, I said I was fine, but then told her about my anxieties. I hate waiting, and as the days pass, the more nervous I am becoming. I would like to think myself as being strong and able to tolerate pain, after all, I have passed kidney stones several times, that should count for something. But, the thought of giving birth is really scaring me now. I am fearful of the unknown, of the pain I will encounter! So, after sharing my concerns, my wise aunt J gave me a few words of encouragement and shared some tips on relaxation techniques that helped her through a sans-epidural delivery not too long ago – she is a psychologist.

“The process happens in stages,” she said. “The first being the opening of the cervix, this is not painful; just imagine the door opening down there.”

The door opening down there? Isn’t that how I got myself into this situation to begin with? I am not concerned about the door opening…rather, how much it can open is what I am apprehensive about.

“That could last awhile and you can sit quietly or move around, but do not get tense. Every time you feel yourself tensing (you can do chores, swim, bathe, whatever) just say I'm going to sit and go on my cloud. This can last for several hours as the cervix is opening, all is healthy and normal,” she continued.

“Your water might or might not break as the cervix is opening, it knows what to do, it’s just like a gush between your legs, warm and watery, all good and peaceful.” YIKES!

She continued by telling me to just imagine any twinges of discomfort as way off tiny specks on the horizon, smaller and smaller. The discomfort of the birth is not necessary to attend to because it will be born naturally on its own, I shouldn’t misinterpret the pain as an indication that something is wrong, it is good discomfort, it means I’m getting closer to obtaining my goal.

Apparently, when my water breaks, at that point usually I will start mild contractions, but again I must stay calm…I must focus. Cloud....floating....breathing...cloud....floating....breathing… Cloud....floating....breathing...cloud....floating....breathing…

According to my aunt, the worst enemy of labor is misinterpreting it as bad. It isn't. It's like the discomfort at the dentist; you don't really have to pay attention to it, so why not focus on relaxation at the beach!

There you have it folks. It’s proven and attainable.

If anyone is looking for me, I am off searching for my cloud, making sure there's a comfy spot available right next to me for my coach!

On-Call And On High-Alert

It’s Sunday morning. I feel as though this week took forever to get by. Every morning I wake up and wonder ‘Is today the day?’ I am hoping the little guy is waiting for Tuesday to arrive, that’s when his grandma will finally get here.
I am feeling the same as usual. Nothing different has happened except every night I go to bed wondering what the next day has in store. Friday night, V and I went to a local Mexican restaurant called Mariachisimo. We had the regular steak, with frijoles, nachos, guacamole, and my favorite dessert! After that hearty meal, I felt it was a bit too heavy in my stomach so I washed it down with two glasses of limonada-mineral. What a mistake that was. Needless to say, I got up several times that night and huddled the toilet as the food made its way back up! I felt terrible. V was partially awake checking to see if I was ok. After several hours, I decided I would put on a pair of cozy pajama bottoms to help me fall asleep again. I made my way to my packed carry-on (ready for the hospital) and opened the top to get my pjs. When ALL OF A SUDDEN, V jumped up and soared out of bed (picture it in slow motion) yelling “Is it TIME?” As crappy as I felt, I couldn’t help but crack up. I laughed so hard. It’s good to know he is alert and on the ball! For someone who normally doesn’t wake up with much ease, I was totally impressed. I guess that was sort of like a dry run.
Now, we are truly ready for the real thing!

It’s My Time for Reflection

With so many different feelings and emotions I think it’s important to note that a wonderful thing is about take place in V’s and my life. Today is our 3 year wedding anniversary and I am trying to make it the most memorable yet. For 12 years, we have been everything to each other – experiencing new adventures, taking on challenges, and always supporting one another with life decisions! And, by next week, a baby’s cry will be something new we will share together. I think to myself how things are going to be different. Although I know with everything inside me that we are going to have an absolute blast as the little angel arrives, I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness. Vince and I will no longer be together alone……

We are going to share our love with another being who will be with us constantly on a daily basis. It’s funny because I don’t really know what it’s going to be like. I was having a conversation with a dear friend last night, and was able to compare the situation with the addition of a new puppy. V and I always say how much we love our dogs, Rock & Roll, and how we can't remember what life was like without them around. I can only imagine we are going to feel the same when the baby is born. The feelings will obviously be on a much grander scale but in a very similar way.
I just hope we CAN remember “What life was like before the little guy came around” because even though new beautiful memories will be made….V and I also share amazing moments together that deserve to be remembered a lifetime….after all…isn’t that what created the miracle inside me?

Happy Anniversary Babe!